Mar. 10th, 2016

omly: peacock tail feather (Default)
- so very, very tired
- frustration at a short term project I took on for the semester
+ tiny beautiful croci (as my Papa would say)
+ beautiful 75*F day with opportunity to walk out in it
- struggle with desire for self-care when it seems not productive enough and too costly in resources
+ an unexpected supportive voice reaffirming my ability and need to do self-care
- HR appt, where the process has been very long and frustrating
+ opportunity to use the labyrinth on campus, standing in the center in mountain pose until ready with the sun on my face
- tired appt about all the career, networking, and application stuff I need to be doing
- failed will throw on my way home, in which I just wandered Hmart in Central Square feeling direction less yet overwhelmed by the things I have to do
+ amused re-realization that I always end up wandering the aisles in art supply stores when I don't know how to deal with my life. Also art supply store.
+/- realizing I was feeling stressed and weird when looking at the calendar and trying to plan a minor adventure
+ local children having a lemonade stand
+ buying my groceries at local tiny grocer, bakery, etc on my walk home.
+ reaching 10k steps as I walked into the house
+ sitting on my deck and drinking lemonade and an apple turnover, watching the birds and thinking about my yard
+ dinner with Salvbard at Mexico Lindo
- frustration at how bad my hearing is in loud places
+/- realizing I was suppressing and minimizing my need to get away and have time (my major love language and recharger)
- stressing out people I care about
- sobbing in the car for an hour and a half as I processed and just ran out of spoons
+ gentle support and provided space to do that processing
+ crawling into bed at 9:30
- being woken up at midnight to fill out paperwork for Chiquita
+ supporting her for the state science fair (she and her partner won second prize for her school and are moving on to the next round)

Yesterday was a day torn between overwhelm and intense gratitude and awareness of the joys and kindness around me. With self-compassion I can recognize that there are elements of legacy low reserves at work there. Things are better and there is work on all sides to make it more so all the time though.

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omly

December 2016

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